Stop saying you are married for better or worse if you’re only committed to staying during the good times.
Yes, I said it. Stop telling people that you got married for better or worse when you really have no intention of staying when things get worse. In actuality, you will stay until you get tired of not getting things your way.
This message is not for women that are being abused. If you are being abused, you need to get out and get help. Your physical safety is your priority and you were not designed to be someone’s punching bag. This also isn’t for you if your husband is a repeat cheater. That’s an entire message that I can’t dive into right now.
This message is for the women that scream divorce or separation because they don’t feel like being married anymore.
Why are they screaming divorce? Because he doesn’t do the things she wants him to do. He has changed. You have two different views of marriage. He leaves his clothes on the floor. He doesn’t agree with you and follows your instructions. The list goes on and on. for reasons why wives are “putting their husbands out” or “filing for a divorce”. (Read Matthew 19:4-6)
Marriage is a covenant. You made a covenant with God. Marriage is not a contract you can destroy because of your “feelings”. Or because things are not going your way. When you commit to being married for better or worse, this includes the good as well as the bad. You work through it all. Everything.
I am not trying to minimize what you are experiencing. Yes, marriage is hard work. There are many highs and lows that you will experience.
- God must be the main focus of your marriage at all times. (Read Hebrews 12:1-2) Not your husband and not your desires. If you are focused on God and pleasing him, you will view your marriage as the ministry that it is.
- You have got to stop being selfish and learn how to compromise. (Read Romans 12:9-13) Everything is not about you and only what you want. Your husband has opinions too. You must learn how to blend your views and expectations so that your marriage is blessed. Learn to negotiate in love so that you both win!
- Conflict is inevitable in marriage. You must learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. You will have different opinions about situations. There will be times when you will look at the very same issue and two completely different views of it. Of course! You are two different people with two different backgrounds. Life’s experiences have given you two different perspectives. It’s ok. But, you’ve got to learn how to have healthy conflict and focus on solutions rather than pointing the finger and playing the blame game. (Read Philippians 2:3-4)
The person you were 10 years ago is not the person you are right now.
As you both mature, you will continue to change. Change is good. Marriage is learning how to mature and giving each other the grace and room to grow. Life is an ongoing cycle of becoming the person God has created them to be.
Marriage is about two different people becoming one. It’s about putting God first and learning how to be more like Christ. Two people that are growing and maturing while learning to honor God through their marriage. Being intentional about staying connected and falling in love over and over again. Marriage is work.
Don’t be double-minded by saying “I got married for better or worse.” and in the same breath say “But, I can’t stay in this marriage because I’m tired of this.”
If you are going to honor God in your marriage, then do that. But, don’t mix the two. You will never have peace in your home when you are entertaining two opposing rulers….your flesh vs. God.
Get with God today! Repent for sinning against God’s instructions by focusing only on your desires. Learn to live in peace with your spouse. Get the professional help you need to make your marriage an example of Christ’s love here on earth.
P.S. Many wives hesitate in getting coaching because their husband isn’t ready to attend. Don’t let this keep you from getting the breakthrough YOU need. Invest in coaching for yourself. I believe wives need support and strategies to start their healing process and get the clarity they need regarding decisions they need to make about their relationship.
Don’t wait for your husband to finally attend. Don’t allow his hesitance to keep you bound in your mental and emotional pain. Get the clarity you need now by investing in coaching for yourself today!
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Stay blessed Sis!
Arrettres Hollins
Founder of Balanced Wife Life Academy
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