(Video) “What to do when your husband stops coming home.”
Today’s topic is very sensitive. My heart aches for women that are struggling in their marriage. Women that are hurting or suffering in silence. Society only talks about women that are verbally or physically abused. But, there is a large group of women that shed many tears for various reasons in their marriage. What about the women that are suffering because their husband stops coming home? What about the men that are having affairs? There are men that are emotionally abusing their wives. That is why I founded Connecting Love and Marriage. To help women that want to honor the vows they took before God, but are hurting.
An amazing young woman sent me this topic. Unfortunately, she is having a hard time with her husband. My heart goes out to her because she believes he might be having an affair and hasn’t been coming home. This happens too often in marriages. One spouse is doing everything they know how to do in order to keep their marriage together. While the other is tipping, slipping and doing things that could eventually destroy their marriage. So today’s topic is “What to do when my husband stops coming home.”
After getting all the information together so that I could respond, I realized I might have to do a part 2 and 3 for this topic. There are 3 different cycles or stages in this scenario. There is a stage for before, a during and after the truth is revealed. Today I am really going to focus on the before. How to handle the Pre-Truth stage and part of the Truth Revealed stages?
Check out my full video here.
So let’s jump right on into the “What to do when my husband stops coming home.”
1 – Pray
Get with God immediately and continually. Do not go through this season without having God on speed dial. Our emotions WILL run wild. Anger, fear, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, depression are just a couple of the emotions you will struggle with. So if you do not have scheduled time in prayer, I encourage you to schedule it NOW!
I try to get up 10-15 minutes early every morning to pray and read my word. I literally have a prayer wall in my bedroom, next to my bed. If you want to hear more about my prayer wall, just let me know, and I might share it with you during my next video training.
You will need guidance as you shuffle through the insanity your spouse has brought into your home. Having consistent time with God will help you make it through this season in a way that keeps you sane and gives him glory.
2 – Do you really want to know what is going on?
I don’t believe in gathering information for information sake. There has to be a purpose and a plan for gathering information. Before you start poking around and snooping, I want you to really think about what you could find. I’m not saying, don’t get to the bottom of this. But, what I am saying is you need to think your wall through the end of this before you run into it. Sometimes we get so caught up in the emotion of their behavior that we just react. I want you to take a step back and be logical. Think your way through this.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What if he is cheating? Do I really want to know?
- What do I plan on doing with this information?
- Will I confront him?
- What if he denies it?
- Will I stay or go?
- Am I financially stable and can take care of myself if I decide to leave.
*You should only move forward to step 3 if you believe you can handle the possibility that you are going to hear information that could break your heart.
3 – Schedule a conversation.
If you are willing to get to the bottom of whether your spouse is cheating or not, then schedule a time to talk with your spouse. While you are waiting for this scheduled time to speak….PRAY!!
Ask God for clarity, understanding, peace, and, the truth. Ask God to convict your spouse until they feel an urgency to confess. Give God total control of the conversation. Ask that God has his way. This takes great restraint. But, I believe and know from experience, that God can keep you if you want to be kept.
4 – Process the information.
Once you get to the bottom of everything and the information is not in your favor, you need time to process. Do not unleash during that initial conversation.
James 1:19,20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
Verse 20 tells us WHY?
Because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
*I know this will seem impossible, but, trust me. He will expect you to pop off and be irrational. There is power in a thinking woman that is being led by God. Get your questions answered.
5 – Give yourself time to grieve.
Cry, yell, be angry. Get someplace with you and God and lay it all on the table. Mourning the loss of trust in your marriage is just as important as if someone actually died. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and shed every tear. You don’t have to be strong for anyone during this grieving process. If you need to get a hotel, go for a long drive, take the day off from work, get some ice cream, whatever you need to do, do it. DO NOT try to cover up these feelings. It will just be like a volcano waiting to randomly explode.
6 – Surround yourself with trusted friends.
You can not have just anybody around you right now. People giving their two cents and ungodly opinions is the last thing you need. The friends you surround yourself with should be a mentor, someone that has been married longer than you and has been through some stuff. You need friends that will cover you in prayer and keep your eyes on God. You need friends that won’t immediately go to bashing your spouse.
Your Homework:
- Pray for you, your spouse and your marriage. Schedule this time. Add an alarm on your phone. Just do it. Don’t wait for something tragic to happen before you give your marriage to God.
Scriptures to read and reflect on over the next 7 days:
- James 1:19-20
- Deuteronomy 31:8-9
- Joshua 1:9-10
- 1 Peter 3:11
- 1 Peter 5:7
- Philippians 4:7
If you want even more awesome tips and marriage advice, take my FREE 5-day online course where I will teach you the “5 Stages Of Rebuilding Trust In Your Marriage”
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